Penny pinching

I have pontificated before on this site that my stakes increased exponentially when I started gambling online, rather than in a betting shop. It’s as if it isn’t real money: typing ‘£50’ into a box and clicking ‘OK’ is far easier than handing £50 across a counter.

This mindset was perfectly illustrated last Saturday, when I went racing at Ascot. Although I used to be quite a regular at Walthamstow dogs, this was only my seventh trip to the races. A friend had won table at one of the track’s premier restaurants, which included entry to the course, racecard, four-course meal, free all-day bar – and a complimentary copy of he Racing Post. With a £242 price tag per person, it was well worth sacrificing a visit to the Boleyn Ground to watch West Ham’s inevitable defeat by Liverpool.

Hardly surprisingly, I was the most hardened gambler in our four-strong group, In fact, I probably had more bets on the 7.40 at Wexford the previous evening than my three companions had placed in their entire lives – and I don’t even know where Wexford is.

But with the UK’s top racecourse to explore, as well as the distraction of making the most of the free food and drink, I failed to have a bet on the first race. When I’m home in front of the laptop, and there are more than 40 races ahead, I get frustrated if I don’t have several bets on every race. But on this occasion, I was indifferent. In the second race, after a brief examination of the racecard, I decided to back a horse at about 7-1 (none of those mathematical odds on course – even if I did back it on the Tote). I decided to place a £1 each way bet, but was told by the Tote cashier that the minimum unit stake was £2. As I didn’t want to spend £4 because I’d had only a cursory glance at the form, I placed a £2 win bet. Yes, the man who risks losing more than £200 a race on horses of which he has never heard, at tracks he doesn’t even know which country they are in, in the hope of winning £5, didn’t want to spend an extra £2 during a once-in-a-lifetime day out.

Of course, the horse won without ever being extended. My £2 bet returned £18.20. For various reasons, I didn’t place a single bet on the next three races. I had only my second wager of the day on the final race – £2 each way on a horse that finished fourth. I had the second-fewest bets out of the four of us, spending only £2 more than a bloke who had spurned innumerable invitations to the races over the past 20 years.

Taking into account the cost of my train and Tube fares, I made a profit of 6p on the day – 5p on my gambling and a 1p coin I had found on the Underground first thing that morning. I wouldn’t normally pick a penny up (‘itchy chin’ I can hear those of you who know me well saying), but I was mindful of the adage: ‘Find a penny, pick it up, all the day you’ll have good luck’. Perhaps I should start trawling the streets of Epping in search of a penny before I log on to Betfair each day.

The only downside to the day was that I didn’t get a chance to place a large bet on Liverpool to win – we arrived back at the pub opposite Waterloo station just in time to see them score their third goal, without reply.